You know Your're Obsessed When
by Carma Bain Bentley
Summary: 'Obsessor' is a term given to a being that has created a rather large, usually so huge that is completely annoys those they socialise or live with, fascination of something. I am Professor Obsessor, and I will show you many different ways that you can tell if you are obsessed with Skulduggery Pleasant.
1. Chapter 1

YKYOW

You know Your Obsessed with Skulduggery Pleasant…

There are many pointers that can be seen on the road to obsession. The obsession these pointers are born from can often be confused with insanity, though of course, those people who accuse our fellow obsessors of this condition have often never heard of the worthy object of our fascination.

'Obsessor' is a term given to a being that has created a rather large, usually so huge that is completely annoys those they socialise or live with, fascination to a person, place or thing. Most 'things' in an obsessors life are usually books, movies, or items of significant value. One can argue, however, that these items of value can also be favourite books and movies in the obessors life.

This obsession can be expressed in many different ways, such as in dedications, hand-made plush toys, self-insert pictures or drawings, and Fan Fictions.

My name for today is Professor Obsessor, and if your interest has not already been reduced to a puddle of quivering mess due to the report styled writings, I will show you many different ways that you can tell if you are obsessed with the awesomeness created by the Golden God, Derek Landy, in his (insert really cool adjectives) book series, Skulduggery Pleasant.

* * *

You know you're obsessed with skulduggery pleasant when these things happen.

You have your own taken name.

Your taken name is somehow linked to something in Skulduggery Pleasant.

You wish you knew your true name.

You now think of 'ghastly' as a name, not a physical description of something.

You want to believe in magic again.

Your Skulduggery books are the best kept, most read books ever.

You leave the window open (if possible) at night, in the hopes that skulduggery would come through it.

You close it in case Remus Crux is out there somewhere.

You open it again… it's worth the risk.

**Woo Hoo. now that this is the auther's note, I'd like to say a few things. One, I am officially awesome for having stopped procrastinating (I'm doing a media assignment on procrastination, so that'll be fun), Two, I'd like to thank some people (You guys know who you are) Three, I made up the word 'Obsessor', and Four, hit that little blue button down the bottom of the page... You know you want to.**


	2. Chapter 2

On page 12 of the first amazing book, where we first catch sight of the frizzy haired, gentleman in the tan overcoat, scarf, and bug eyed glasses, we begin to realise that there is more to fashion then we first thought. Through each book in the series, our knowledge of fashion and its crazy impulses has changed so dramatically, so that when we look back on the past, we can see how different we are now. We can compare our silly immature minds of back then when we thought that the most in things were having patterned mini-skirts and fluoro shirts, to our sophisticated and highly intelligent minds of today where the wear of awesome is a black pinstriped suit and set of dark bug lensed bug eyed glasses.

* * *

You know you're obsessed with skulduggery pleasant when these things happen.

You want a plain black ring.

You don't hate wearing hats anymore.

You trawl through eBay looking for the perfect Skulman hat.

Even though Skulduggery's glasses are completely bug-eyed, you seriously want a pair.

You think it would be epic to wear a metal mask to a masquerade ball.

You want an awesome trench coat.

Leather gloves and scarves are now stylish.

You decide to actually get a pair of fuzzy mittens and earmuffs.

You think it's a common stereotype that girls that wear leather have epic motor bikes and swords.

You are ecstatic when you find an awesome suit jacket in a second hand shop and you get it for

virtually free.

**Well there we have it folks. I'd like to dedicate this to all my reviewers, and doubley so if they favourited or followed. Do not dispair, however, if there has been nothing so far that you can connect with, for there will be many more to come. I would also like to announce, as I have aslo stated in the first chapter, (where I said that the Golden God wrote Skulduggery Peasant) that I do not own the series of which I write about. Happy reading, have fun reviewing, and don't forget to follow and favourite.**

**Carma is out!**

**PEACE!**

**(Extra obsesso point next time if you can tell me where that particular goodbye is from:))**


	3. Chapter 3

It is a fact that the Golden God's reign over the writing world has increased the knowledge of classic cars in the teenage world by… well… a lot. When we all first read about Skulduggery's car, we were so mesmerised by its awesomeness that we just had to look up to our new role model and want his car. We were envious that he was one of the lucky 208 people in the entire world to actually own one of these stunning pieces of machinery, and because of this, grew the age of staying calm and getting a 1954 r-type.

You now have a fascination with suits

… and epic cars

You have memorised that paragraph about Skulduggery's car… and you want one

You Google how much a Bentley actually is

You still want one even though they are $753 500

You bug your parents for a Bentley until they give up

Your ecstatic that they'll give you one until they hand you a miniature collector's item one

Meh… you knew they couldn't get you one… you're happy with your toy Bentley

You want your own Munchkin Army

Your first recruit for your Munchkin Army is your baby brother

**Sorry Guys, but, I had no internet connection, but trust me when I say that there will be regular updates, as long as there are regular reviews! :DD Happy Halloween :D Gather you munchkin army and hit the streets trick or treating tomorrow. Keep reviewing, favouriting, and following :DD**


	4. Chapter 4

The tradition of Halloween dates back many years, and this year will be like many others. Most of you will dress up in a costume and parade about in joyful happiness, pretending to be something imaginative, whether it be from a fairy tale, television show, myth or legend, and get free lollies and candy from neighbours along your street. Hopefully, to express your obsessiveness, some of you out there will endeavour to be one of your favourite characters from the amazing book series Skulduggery Pleasant. Whether you do or not depends on your level of creativity, awesomeness, and general obsessiveness. Today, as a Halloween gift to you, I Professor Obsessor, will provide you with an extra 10 Points that will enable you to judge your level of obsessiveness as an Obsessor in a two days in a row update. Happy Halloween.

You want one of those plastic hospital skeletons

You want to dress it in an epic suit

You think skulduggery would be an epic name for a kid

You want your parents to rename one of your siblings Alison

You don't mind it when they give you weird looks

You almost scream your little bros face off when he starts playing with YOUR mini Bentley

Your ego rises dramatically, and you act accordingly so

You went off you nut laughing when Darquess said that Skulduggery's soul thing sparkled and shimmered

Vampires have become cool again

You know exactly what to be for Halloween

**Happy Halloween**


	5. Chapter 5

During the lifetime or a very obsessed fan, they will usually have drawn at least one image to do with their obsession. Whether these images are actually good or not is another debatable subject. An Obessor will also have taken quizzes to do with the object of their fascination, and will usually always get the answers right, or at least think they re right.

When you see a really tall really skinny guy you go up to them and tell them they should dress up as Skulduggery Pleasant

You want to learn/ are learning/ have learnt to draw epic skulls

You draw the characters even if the pictures don't turn out the way they're supposed to

You take every Skulduggery quiz there is

… or, you know you'll get everything right so you don't bother

You enjoy proving your friends wrong on facts about Skulduggery Pleasant

You have officially converted at least 5 people into Skulduggery worshippers

… even your sister who shouldn't be allowed to read some of the fan fictions she reads

You start noticing all the individual bones in your hand

… and your foot

**Don't forget to fav and follow. There's a little blue button that really wants you to press it :) Thanks to Bella Bordaeaux for fav, which reminded me to update :D. more reveiws mean regular updates.**


	6. Chapter 6

If seen through the mind of a dedicated Obsessor, each and every character introduced through the thrilling pages of the series has a fantastic theme song that completely expresses all of that specific character's dreams, feelings and emotions. The extent of this 'song giving' can range from mild 'songing', to virtually unstoppable. Mild songing occurs when only the main characters of a text are given a particular song to describe them. Virtually unstoppable happens when a person has trawled through an entire book to give every single character their own song, rhyme or limerick. The latter version of songing rarely happens, though it is possible to have heard of such a person during the lifetime of one's Obsession.

You have a theme song for every character

You try to use Skulduggery or Pleasant in your English essay writing

You capitalise Skulduggery and Pleasant, even if the teachers mark you down, or gives you weird

looks

Sarcasm is good

You decide to develop your sarcasm skills

Your ego rises dramatically, and you act accordingly so

You find yourself liking windows more than doors

You went off you nut laughing when Darquess said that Skulduggery's soul thing sparkled and shimmered

You wish you had a rich uncle that writes

… if you do, you make it a habit to be at his place for most of your spare time

**As your Professor, I am tasking you with an assignment. Your assignment, to be completed via PM or Review is to specify a new topic for me to cover during our next chapter. These topics can be things like "What I do now" "Stuff about Ireland" and "Professors Favourites" (the last one would just be a collectioin of my personal favourites, and of course these would have to be the best of the lot:)) The chosen topic will be posted 2 chapters from now, as soon as enough opinions have been sent in (be creative people, this is part of your Obsessor training; Reader Participation) **

**Be Happy, Review, Favourite, Follow and do your Homework :D**


	7. Chapter 7

In this day and age, it seems as though everyone has their own motto, whether they realise it or not it a different matter. High schools, primary schools, universities, science and research facilities, even businesses have mission and vision statements that include their own motto. However, without further ado, I give you the next 10 Points.

'Doors are for people with no imagination' is your new motto

You know that fighting two gods is better than one

You wonder whether or not that Hell is actually like the domain of the Faceless Ones

You realise that it is, because the Golden God wrote it so

You have two copies of each of the books, one that you can lend out to people, and one that is only for your own use

When your younger sibling asks to if magic is actually real, you hand her a copy of the books

You have already decided what type of magic you have

You believe that you are only late in getting your magic, not that it will never come

You know exactly where your friends SkulPleas books are

Whenever you go to your friends place, you go straight to her SkulPleas books… after getting a bowl of cornflakes… with milo

**Apparently, you don't want to choose a topic for one of the sets of 10. Come on people, this is your chance for reader participation! A mention is worthy of LucindaCainHail for having a massive ego, and a lovely sense of sarcasm! :D**

**Be a Genius, or at least pretend to be, 'cause good acting gets you three quarters of the way in everything.**

**(That's my current motto)**


	8. Chapter 8

What you do now

Depending on the obsessiveness of an Obsessor, their life and the things they do may be influenced by the thing they are obsessing over. These may include very small things, such as saying their favourite quotes, or learning specific paragraphs, but they could also be very large, very expensive things, like influencing which type of vehicle they wish to purchase/ borrow/ rent/ steal. * hem hem Bentley hem* also included in this list are replies to what people say, change in attitude and personality, and backgrounds and wallpapers that have quotes in them.

You now know why Ancient History has always seemed awesome to you… you learn about really old dead skeletons and old stuff

You try steeple-ing your fingers while standing up

It works for you as much as it works for Gordon

You capitalise Ghastly

You know what a jib is now

You like using 'sophisticated' big words now

You categorise people after which character they are like

You deliberately wait four days before helping someone

You don't trust your reflection anymore

'Four year olds' you say 'we are facing an unimaginable crisis, and I'm dealing with four- year- olds'

**This request was made by LucindaCainHail, and some of the input was made by SapphireShadowgirl, who asked for a chapter on promises. Yours will be up either the next chappy or the following one. Hmmm promises is sort or hard.**

**Anyway, don't forget to press that little button down there, and remember to follow and favourite. **

**Carma is Out! PEACE!**

**(no one's said where I actually got that from yet)**


	9. Chapter 9

Every Obsessor wishes at some stage to meet the creator of the object of their fascination. This is sometimes achievable when the Creator travels around the world to advertise, sell, or meet their fans. However, sometimes this can simply be hard for fans to do if they live to far away to go, or their parents do not let them. (I knew a girl that travelled from Sydney all the way to Brisbane to meet the Golden God). But anyhow, the point is that every once in a while, we all get the crazy idea of saving up enough money to travel across the globe to stalk the genius behind everybody's Obsession.

Every time it's hot, you wish you were in Ireland

You wish you were in Ireland anyway

You christen your piggy bank as the 'For Ireland Fund'

You think this name is weird so you change it to something like… Skulduggery, especially if it is shaped like a skull

Rain reminds you of Ireland

You have a map of Ireland

You felt Tanith's pain when she was thrown off the Bentley

And had nails hammered through her hands and knees

And had a CD player smashed into her face

You hurt a lot right now

**Okay, so this was an awesome attempt by me, on a day where I'd just had two exam in a row :/, but don't you love me for it? :) of course you do. Read, Review, Follow and Favourite. Oh, and the last time I updated the fic, I also updated my profile, so go check it out :D**


	10. Chapter 10

One of the topics chosen for a chapter happened to be 'pranks'. Now even though I am the all-knowing Professor Obsessor, I'm not sure exactly whether or not there have been pranks committed in the SkulPleas world. Then again, it doesn't matter, because as long as the pranks are still themed, it can be classified as being an Obsession Point. Another themed happened to be promises, which I joined together this chapter to make it a two-for-one deal of Obsession. Enjoy.

Your pranks are always themed as Skulduggery Pleasant

This is also your way of telling people who pranked them

Unfortunately they know you keep your window open at night so hmmm…

For one of your pranks, you pushed someone into a bath tub of mud claiming it would heal them of being an idiot

It didn't go as planned

You also gave them a pink nighty covered with elephants to wear once they were clean, seeing as their clothes were muddy

When you make a promise you always say "I cross the place where my heart used to be and hope to be even deader than I am now" (mentioned by SapphireShadowgirl)

And even if you promised to do it immediately, you still wait four days

You try to make all your pep talks like Skulduggery's

… Even if they don't work

**Also, if you lovely people who viewed my profile after it was updated would tell me how it is, I will classify this as dedication to your Professor, and you will get brownie Obsessor Points.**


	11. Chapter 11

The subject matter we are covering today, is where an Obsessors love is so strong that they cannot help but to branch out into similar fields of literature, movies of things. When one has reached a level of Obsessions, such as one for Skulduggery Pleasant, their brains will automatically consider things that are similar to be 'good', when they would usually be ranked as 'bad'. Examples of these include skulls, cars, swords, guns or other weapons.

People who have an Obsession can also start talking like their favourite author or character, or take up stalking said author, or character (whether this be the actual character and a figment of their imagination or someone who just looks like said character, I'll let the Obsessor decide).

Secret passageways now seem ever epic-er

You pretend vampires are chasing you when you jump off cliffs… into water of course

You agree with Val… branches are a lot unlike pillows

If you have a twin, you say 'are you ready to resume your life?' every time you see them

You add 'change skulduggery to Skulduggery' into to spellchecker

You make sure never to marry a guy like Fergus just in case he decides to ban your children from

doing magic

Puzzle boxes bring new captivation

You really want to know what Skulduggery's wife and child's names were

You refer to Derek Landy as The Golden God

You want to stalk/ marry the Golden God

You ask him through fan email about both things

You mope when he doesn't reply for a few hours

You are ecstatic when he does reply… and then sad when he can't marry you… and when he says that it would be creepy for you to stalk him

A good dose of chocolate and Skulduggery Pleasant revives your faith in him

You hate the waiting period between book releases

You are so jealous that Derek can talk about himself in 3rd person without seeming crazy

You try talking in 3rd person

Everyone thinks you're crazy

Bashing down doors now seems fun

You think of the awesomeness of his vampires, and then laugh at other types of vamps

You want there to be a SkulPleas comic book

You'd tackle someone who actually had a SkulPleas comic book

You'd cry with joy if you got hold of the comic book… then you'd stop and actually read it then and there

**Thank you to ****ValkyrieCain4Ever**** whose review reminded me to actually update! I won't give you the regualr excuses of schoolwork and stuff, but I will say that with the internet being down for at least two months, then the floods and everything else, it was kind of hard to update (though I now make up for it with an extra-long chapter).**

**Cheers to Amellia (if I even spelt the name right), who instead of a virtual cookie gave me virtual cornflakes, (but thats okay because cornflakes are awesome) but forgot the Milo.**

**Wish me Happy Birthday for Friday peoples!**


	12. Chapter 12

There are many other things that Obsessors do when Obsessing over something, but I'll not go into great detail now, and the only reason I do these great introduction paragraphs is so FanFiction doesn't eat me making lists on their site. This list is rather longer than all the rest and I still have about a hundred and something left to go. Be grateful, my minions, and obey me. Favourite review and do other stuff and thanks to my long lost sister or whatever Luna Shadow or something for reviewing like ten minute ago. PEACE!

You want the Irish equivalent to cornflakes (even if it is just the same as regular cornflakes, but Irish)

Your screensaver is of someone in Skulduggery Pleasant

So is the wallpaper on your computer

And your phone

… and anything that uses wallpapers or backgrounds

You even changed your sisters backgrounds

Your favourite website is the Skulduggery official website, and the Golden God's blog

You join Facebook just to like the Skulduggery page

Your password is something like 'Skulduggery'sHat3'

You flipped out when your computer put a red squiggly line under 'Landy'

You named your USB drives after the characters their colours represent (actually clicked in the

tabby thing and 'renamed' it

You want your own personal pet cleaver

You want it to teach you how to flip people over your hip like Skulduggery does

You wish every book was longer, even the longest one

You learn to run the cauliflower drills

You absolutely can't wait for the movie

You buy a bag full of $1 thongs and take them to the movie

You get up in your chair and throw the thongs at the screen yelling 'That didn't happen in the books!'… if it didn't happen in the books

You're saving now for the DVD

You cried when Kenspeckle died

You said 'suck it bitch' when Calean died

THE END! No not really. See you later.


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